Jane Eyre, Conviction and the Holy Spirit

Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage sets the stage... Jane Eyre has been asked by Mr. Rochester to move in as his mistress. She's distressed because she's fallen in love with him only to learn he is married, though with hardships. What to do? Keller notes of Jane, "There is conscience, there is reason, and there is feelings, and they all rise up and argue that they should do what Mr. Rochester asks." 


It's the following inner dialogue Tim Keller quotes from Jane Eyre that stirred something inside of me the first time I read it and was brought to my memory again today (read slowly, the Old English can get confusing)...


"Still indomitable was the reply: 'I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad - as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have worth - so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane - quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster that I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.' I did." 
- Jane Eyre qtd. in Tim Keller's Man's Search for Meaning (pg. 230)


How many times have I been quick to lower standards or ignore convictions? "Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour..." The purpose of God breathed instruction is for our good - and given to us to prepare and fight temptations - not to be disregarded at the first time of heightened emotion or complicated reasoning.


Do I believe the truths I have always claimed to believe? Will I stand firm in challenging moments?


Getting in trouble as a child was never fun. My parents meant business and they disciplined because they cared. I'm thankful for their instructive leading. I'm thankful they taught me the importance of the Holy Spirit in my life. Today in church, I was reminded of the awesome work of the Spirit in convicting and disciplining as I recalled one of my favorite passages.


Hebrews 12:4-12 says "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?  If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.


It's a tough passage, but I love it. When I am convicted/disciplined it's because God is treating me as His daughter. What a precious reminder. He loves me. And those convictions lead me to walk in life more abundantly and in peace.


If you've been disciplined by your parents, you usually know whatever you are doing is right or wrong and would please or displease them- the same is true of the conviction of the Holy Spirit. You know if an action is pleasing or displeasing to your Heavenly Father. My pastor said in summary today that it's impossible to keep on willfully and habitually sinning and it be fun for the person filled with Spirit because you know you have grieved the Holy Spirit. God is drawing you back to Him (if you are listening, heeding conviction and act).


To have standards and convictions is not to be judgmental or "holier-than-thou" or whatever label the world tends to give it. To have standards and to desire the discipline of God is to desire life, freedom, peace and grace.


I want to know God more and heed His discipline more carefully. I want to be sure of His truths - the truths I have always known to be true -  so that I can know how to move when my emotions or reason fail me. 


To have principles, morals, standards and convictions rooted in the study of the Bible, in prayer and in faith is to have footing on which to stand in an hour of temptation.  I want to be found standing whatever the situation.


 "...And having done all, to stand. Stand therefore..." (Ephesians 6:13b).


To those who feel like you've ignored conviction and fallen short (like the rest of us) remember 1 John 2:1-2  "My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world."


Thankful a Way has been made and thankful we have a Why to stand.

Payday

This week has been full of paydays.

I love paydays. I'm sure most do. It's the fiscal reward for all of your hard work. It means you can breath, go out on the weekend, pay bills, splurge on the cute outfit you've been eyeing for a few weeks. Things seem to be less tense.

But this time, my definition of payday means something different. It wasn't monetary this week. And it's been something other than monetary many times before.

TC, or should I say Coach T, started teaching middle school physical education for the first time since graduating with a Physical Education degree. He also started as the head middle school football coach, and though he's coached for many years, this was the first time coaching while being a full time teacher at a school. Writing a note to Coach T for his lunch box last Wednesday, I started with, "It's payday!".... We've waited for this moment for years. He's waited and worked for it even longer. Years. Years of school. Years of applications and resumes. Years of working, enjoying and investing where he was while constantly being reassured of his calling to teach - for this moment. It was payday. The opportunity to start walking in a career he's had a passion for since he was a child.

This past week was student leader move-in week at the school. Yesterday was move-in day. My office works tirelessly for that moment (and countless moments past move-in day); we've worked all spring and summer  to get ready for the next academic year. Move-in day is payday. The day where we meet the students we've prayed for and prepared for their arrival. As I spoke with student after student, I found myself moved to sentimental emotions over the awesome opportunity I've been given to be a part of their life - in a conversation, in a session, in a greeting.

Last night, Coach T and I went on a date (we have barely spoken in a week and a half! We've been working late, going to sleep earlier, and leaving before the other has a chance to say more than 'good morning'). We caught up on our weeks, how work has been and all the great moments the days have held. We started talking about the weeks quiet moments with our Heavenly Father, where we shared the whispers and reminders of our callings and excitement over our purpose to be right where we are. We were brought to tears. It was amazing that through our disconnect this week, we were both being assured of the place God has us. It was payday.

Many in my generation are quick to see the greener grass. Facebook is constantly reminding us of what others are doing or accomplishing making us feel we are behind. We see everyone who is successful and we forget what kind of quiet moments with the Father they may have gone through or what not-so-glamorous weeks (or years) they had to go through to get to that point. Or maybe they haven't had either, but regardless, I wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

I had a professor in college who consistently shared a motto: "Are you on  your way to ministry, or are you ministering on your way?" Everyone who had ever taken him for a class usually repeated the slogan with a laugh because of his faithful presentation of the thought. He told the class he frequently has former students write to tell him they now know what he meant by that phrase. Fast forward years later, I was writing to tell him the very same thing. It's easy for us to be in a rush to reach a place where all the hard work is done. But I'm learning it should never be done - not as a believer and not in my calling. I don't want to rush and miss all the good God has for right now. He shaping me still, and in the busy I hope Coach T and me remember the most important things.

Luke 10:33 "But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was..."

I'm not on my way to some form of greatness where I merely choose to do something if I feel like it, but should always be mindful of ministering on my way. Wherever God leads me and wherever He has me, my hope is that I take time to have that conversation with someone who needs to be reminded of how faithful God is, who needs to be encouraged that no height, no depth could ever separate us from the love of our Heavenly Father, that I'm slow to begrudge or rush the role I'm in and that I am quick to work with all my might.

It might mean I'm not rolling in the millions. But I can't take it with me anyway.

30 years

.July 30, 2013.

Happy 30th Anniversary to my parents.

"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be..." - Robert Browning

 

      After 30 years...

 

    They've still got it...

 

 

 

 

I want to be like them when I grow up.

 

 

You've inspired me. Inspired others. After 30 years, I'd say you know a few things about marriage.

 

 Thankful everyday I witnessed your love firsthand. Thankful everyday you loved each other more than anything else on this earth, and only second to your relationship with God. Neither of you pretended to be perfect, but you certainly showed off the ability to work through frustrations. Your marriage is and has always been fun-filled, loving, exciting, romantic...and you made our home fun. safe. a joy to be in. Thanks.

 

Maybe this had something to do with me becoming a marriage and family therapist...  

 

I love you!

Happy Anniversary! And may your next 30+ years be just as grand!

 

 

Road home

Coming home from vacation is never as exciting as leaving for vacation. However, I have nothing to complain about; I am thankful we were even able to go to the mountains this year.

A full week of resting in a cabin riverside, driving and hiking through the most picturesque settings (no picture ever seemed to capture what actually laid before me, though I took hundreds hoping) wildlife watching and fishing has now come and gone. Tomorrow, it's back to work we go.

Thankful for a wonderful, full break. All rested and back to reality...

 

Hope after Failure

I've been thinking about my pastor's sermon all week. It was so real and so needed for me and for many others. As a counselor, a believer and a human I know full well the insecurities that can rage inside... the feeling of not being good enough, having failed God in any capacity. 

Pastor began on Sunday..."Failures can defeat or develop you..." The Bible is full of people who have failed God... Adam. Eve. David. Samson. Moses. Peter....Ah, yes. One of my new favorite characters. I love Peter for his passion. He comes to the forefront of Gospel passages because of his boldness to frequently speak and act. He loved Jesus. He stepped out of the boat, humbled himself before Jesus over the increase in their catch and acted protectively of Jesus in the garden.

In Luke 22:31-34 Jesus tells Peter “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”
 

Jesus warns Peter, “You will deny Me”.... An "overconfident Peter did not heed the warning and the outcome was not pretty."

We learn Peter, when tested, denied being a disciple of Christ three times. “Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly (Matthew 26:75).” I think this is significant in the second part of the story. I believe Peter was heartbroken when he realized what he had done. I think he came face to face with his weakness, his failure, his inadequacy and his great need for a Savior's pardon. I believe his Godly sorrow led to repentance.

Pastor quoted another minister: "If you are ever going to be great you must be broken." Full potential is not met until you are broken. I've convinced it's because you come face to face with the reality that HIS GRACE is SUFFICIENT, HIS power is made perfect in WEAKNESS, so I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me (2 Corinthians 12:9)." You know your great need for Savior.

In Mark 16: 6, an angel tells Mary Magdalene, “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’”

AND PETER. Jesus could simply have said “disciples” but He called out to Peter. In a dark, broken time in Peter’s life, Jesus called out to him, once again.  As my pastor said, “Peter was on the Lord’s mind… Jesus will come to those who have failed…  Jesus still wants to have breakfast with someone who fails Him…”

In John 21, as they eat breakfast together, Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him 3x encouraging him to then “Feed My sheep.” Remember when Jesus warned Peter he would deny Him? Well Jesus also gave Peter hope... "...that your faith may not fail. And WHEN YOU HAVE TURNED BACK…” followed with directions “strengthen your brothers." Jesus was reaffirming His call to Peter, a reinstatement, a reminder of his place as a Son of God and his purpose. How amazing that Jesus would speak to the very insecurity that must have been occupying Peter’s thought?

In Acts 2 we find the bold, passionate Peter not daring to shy away, but loudly proclaiming to a crowd “Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.” And in verse 37 “When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart.” Peter did not deny the power of Christ on the day of Pentecost. He strengthened his brothers as they were cut to the heart and 3,000 were saved that very day.

Peter walked with Christ. He knew Christ. He had proclaimed Christ as the Son of God and yet he failed. But once he came face to face with his need for grace and the power of the work of Christ through death and resurrection, I don't think anyone could have stopped him. Peter recognized his sin; he proclaimed Christ and he walked boldly into his calling. Sure he was unworthy. Sure he had made a mistake. Sure he had fallen. But he like Micah 7:8 said “Do not gloat over me my enemy, though I have fallen I will rise.” Some of you need to declare this in your life today.

Having ministered two nights this week a Christ centered Drug and Alcohol recovery program, I've been constantly reminded of this message. I heard friends give testimonies of their imperfections and failures and the perfect grace of God that covers all sins. Y’all, God's grace is so much greater than any fall. He saves. He transforms. He restores. He calls. He keeps. He leads. What a mighty, awesome God we serve.

 If you stumble, get back up. Peter did.