Jane Eyre, Conviction and the Holy Spirit

Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage sets the stage... Jane Eyre has been asked by Mr. Rochester to move in as his mistress. She's distressed because she's fallen in love with him only to learn he is married, though with hardships. What to do? Keller notes of Jane, "There is conscience, there is reason, and there is feelings, and they all rise up and argue that they should do what Mr. Rochester asks." 


It's the following inner dialogue Tim Keller quotes from Jane Eyre that stirred something inside of me the first time I read it and was brought to my memory again today (read slowly, the Old English can get confusing)...


"Still indomitable was the reply: 'I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad - as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour; stringent are they; inviolate they shall be. If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth? They have worth - so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane - quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster that I can count its throbs. Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: there I plant my foot.' I did." 
- Jane Eyre qtd. in Tim Keller's Man's Search for Meaning (pg. 230)


How many times have I been quick to lower standards or ignore convictions? "Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour..." The purpose of God breathed instruction is for our good - and given to us to prepare and fight temptations - not to be disregarded at the first time of heightened emotion or complicated reasoning.


Do I believe the truths I have always claimed to believe? Will I stand firm in challenging moments?


Getting in trouble as a child was never fun. My parents meant business and they disciplined because they cared. I'm thankful for their instructive leading. I'm thankful they taught me the importance of the Holy Spirit in my life. Today in church, I was reminded of the awesome work of the Spirit in convicting and disciplining as I recalled one of my favorite passages.


Hebrews 12:4-12 says "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?  If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.


It's a tough passage, but I love it. When I am convicted/disciplined it's because God is treating me as His daughter. What a precious reminder. He loves me. And those convictions lead me to walk in life more abundantly and in peace.


If you've been disciplined by your parents, you usually know whatever you are doing is right or wrong and would please or displease them- the same is true of the conviction of the Holy Spirit. You know if an action is pleasing or displeasing to your Heavenly Father. My pastor said in summary today that it's impossible to keep on willfully and habitually sinning and it be fun for the person filled with Spirit because you know you have grieved the Holy Spirit. God is drawing you back to Him (if you are listening, heeding conviction and act).


To have standards and convictions is not to be judgmental or "holier-than-thou" or whatever label the world tends to give it. To have standards and to desire the discipline of God is to desire life, freedom, peace and grace.


I want to know God more and heed His discipline more carefully. I want to be sure of His truths - the truths I have always known to be true -  so that I can know how to move when my emotions or reason fail me. 


To have principles, morals, standards and convictions rooted in the study of the Bible, in prayer and in faith is to have footing on which to stand in an hour of temptation.  I want to be found standing whatever the situation.


 "...And having done all, to stand. Stand therefore..." (Ephesians 6:13b).


To those who feel like you've ignored conviction and fallen short (like the rest of us) remember 1 John 2:1-2  "My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous. He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world."


Thankful a Way has been made and thankful we have a Why to stand.

Payday

This week has been full of paydays.

I love paydays. I'm sure most do. It's the fiscal reward for all of your hard work. It means you can breath, go out on the weekend, pay bills, splurge on the cute outfit you've been eyeing for a few weeks. Things seem to be less tense.

But this time, my definition of payday means something different. It wasn't monetary this week. And it's been something other than monetary many times before.

TC, or should I say Coach T, started teaching middle school physical education for the first time since graduating with a Physical Education degree. He also started as the head middle school football coach, and though he's coached for many years, this was the first time coaching while being a full time teacher at a school. Writing a note to Coach T for his lunch box last Wednesday, I started with, "It's payday!".... We've waited for this moment for years. He's waited and worked for it even longer. Years. Years of school. Years of applications and resumes. Years of working, enjoying and investing where he was while constantly being reassured of his calling to teach - for this moment. It was payday. The opportunity to start walking in a career he's had a passion for since he was a child.

This past week was student leader move-in week at the school. Yesterday was move-in day. My office works tirelessly for that moment (and countless moments past move-in day); we've worked all spring and summer  to get ready for the next academic year. Move-in day is payday. The day where we meet the students we've prayed for and prepared for their arrival. As I spoke with student after student, I found myself moved to sentimental emotions over the awesome opportunity I've been given to be a part of their life - in a conversation, in a session, in a greeting.

Last night, Coach T and I went on a date (we have barely spoken in a week and a half! We've been working late, going to sleep earlier, and leaving before the other has a chance to say more than 'good morning'). We caught up on our weeks, how work has been and all the great moments the days have held. We started talking about the weeks quiet moments with our Heavenly Father, where we shared the whispers and reminders of our callings and excitement over our purpose to be right where we are. We were brought to tears. It was amazing that through our disconnect this week, we were both being assured of the place God has us. It was payday.

Many in my generation are quick to see the greener grass. Facebook is constantly reminding us of what others are doing or accomplishing making us feel we are behind. We see everyone who is successful and we forget what kind of quiet moments with the Father they may have gone through or what not-so-glamorous weeks (or years) they had to go through to get to that point. Or maybe they haven't had either, but regardless, I wouldn't trade my experience for anything.

I had a professor in college who consistently shared a motto: "Are you on  your way to ministry, or are you ministering on your way?" Everyone who had ever taken him for a class usually repeated the slogan with a laugh because of his faithful presentation of the thought. He told the class he frequently has former students write to tell him they now know what he meant by that phrase. Fast forward years later, I was writing to tell him the very same thing. It's easy for us to be in a rush to reach a place where all the hard work is done. But I'm learning it should never be done - not as a believer and not in my calling. I don't want to rush and miss all the good God has for right now. He shaping me still, and in the busy I hope Coach T and me remember the most important things.

Luke 10:33 "But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was..."

I'm not on my way to some form of greatness where I merely choose to do something if I feel like it, but should always be mindful of ministering on my way. Wherever God leads me and wherever He has me, my hope is that I take time to have that conversation with someone who needs to be reminded of how faithful God is, who needs to be encouraged that no height, no depth could ever separate us from the love of our Heavenly Father, that I'm slow to begrudge or rush the role I'm in and that I am quick to work with all my might.

It might mean I'm not rolling in the millions. But I can't take it with me anyway.

Hope after Failure

I've been thinking about my pastor's sermon all week. It was so real and so needed for me and for many others. As a counselor, a believer and a human I know full well the insecurities that can rage inside... the feeling of not being good enough, having failed God in any capacity. 

Pastor began on Sunday..."Failures can defeat or develop you..." The Bible is full of people who have failed God... Adam. Eve. David. Samson. Moses. Peter....Ah, yes. One of my new favorite characters. I love Peter for his passion. He comes to the forefront of Gospel passages because of his boldness to frequently speak and act. He loved Jesus. He stepped out of the boat, humbled himself before Jesus over the increase in their catch and acted protectively of Jesus in the garden.

In Luke 22:31-34 Jesus tells Peter “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”
 

Jesus warns Peter, “You will deny Me”.... An "overconfident Peter did not heed the warning and the outcome was not pretty."

We learn Peter, when tested, denied being a disciple of Christ three times. “Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly (Matthew 26:75).” I think this is significant in the second part of the story. I believe Peter was heartbroken when he realized what he had done. I think he came face to face with his weakness, his failure, his inadequacy and his great need for a Savior's pardon. I believe his Godly sorrow led to repentance.

Pastor quoted another minister: "If you are ever going to be great you must be broken." Full potential is not met until you are broken. I've convinced it's because you come face to face with the reality that HIS GRACE is SUFFICIENT, HIS power is made perfect in WEAKNESS, so I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me (2 Corinthians 12:9)." You know your great need for Savior.

In Mark 16: 6, an angel tells Mary Magdalene, “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’”

AND PETER. Jesus could simply have said “disciples” but He called out to Peter. In a dark, broken time in Peter’s life, Jesus called out to him, once again.  As my pastor said, “Peter was on the Lord’s mind… Jesus will come to those who have failed…  Jesus still wants to have breakfast with someone who fails Him…”

In John 21, as they eat breakfast together, Jesus asks Peter if he loves Him 3x encouraging him to then “Feed My sheep.” Remember when Jesus warned Peter he would deny Him? Well Jesus also gave Peter hope... "...that your faith may not fail. And WHEN YOU HAVE TURNED BACK…” followed with directions “strengthen your brothers." Jesus was reaffirming His call to Peter, a reinstatement, a reminder of his place as a Son of God and his purpose. How amazing that Jesus would speak to the very insecurity that must have been occupying Peter’s thought?

In Acts 2 we find the bold, passionate Peter not daring to shy away, but loudly proclaiming to a crowd “Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.” And in verse 37 “When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart.” Peter did not deny the power of Christ on the day of Pentecost. He strengthened his brothers as they were cut to the heart and 3,000 were saved that very day.

Peter walked with Christ. He knew Christ. He had proclaimed Christ as the Son of God and yet he failed. But once he came face to face with his need for grace and the power of the work of Christ through death and resurrection, I don't think anyone could have stopped him. Peter recognized his sin; he proclaimed Christ and he walked boldly into his calling. Sure he was unworthy. Sure he had made a mistake. Sure he had fallen. But he like Micah 7:8 said “Do not gloat over me my enemy, though I have fallen I will rise.” Some of you need to declare this in your life today.

Having ministered two nights this week a Christ centered Drug and Alcohol recovery program, I've been constantly reminded of this message. I heard friends give testimonies of their imperfections and failures and the perfect grace of God that covers all sins. Y’all, God's grace is so much greater than any fall. He saves. He transforms. He restores. He calls. He keeps. He leads. What a mighty, awesome God we serve.

 If you stumble, get back up. Peter did.

Seasons

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.
I've been thinking about seasons lately, in my and my husband's life, my family's lives, and my friend's lives. A few weeks ago prayer request after prayer request came our way. We felt burdened for the needs of so many around us. I cried to a friend a work feeling sad there was little I could do to help. So we turned our concerns to prayer (we are supposed to do this in the first place! Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."). And I was quickly reminded that prayer changes things. Not because of what we have prayed or how good we are, but because God turns his ears to His children. Though not every prayer is answered the way we may have felt it should have been (or should be), God was and is always faithful to provided what is needed. Whether it's comfort in loss, provision in need, peace in chaos, joy in mourning, grace in despair, mercy in guilt or an absolute divine miracle - God is faithful. I'm thankful we serve a God who is faithful. I'm so often left speechless at the work of God's hands.

None the less, it seemed to be a difficult season, not specifically for us, but for many around us.

Fast forward a few months... We've heard many praise reports coming from our friends. We've seen God open doors, provide blessings, perform miracles, move through His children, make a way where there seemed to be no way and encourage those who were brokenhearted. There are still needs around us, but we've been reminded about God's goodness. Even in our own lives. We've been so excited for our friends around us. We feel so joyful about the work God is doing. We feel so joyful about the blessings He has given. We feel so joyful about the miracles He has performed!

Trent and I are getting ready for a new season ourselves. It's scary, exciting, anxiety-provoking and so many other emotions at the same time. It's awesome - I mean awesome to look back at all the times God has made a way and provided (and NOT always the way we would have thought). He's created quite an adventurous journey for us, but I would not think of trading a lesson or moment for a minute. I'm thankful for this latest season we've been in. It's been a rewarding and humbling time. My heart has been changed for the better and for that I am grateful. Hopefully, some of you can see the value of the season you are in, resting and knowing that God is working through it in some form or fashion- or maybe working on you!

More than anything I have been reminded that God is real and faithful and good in the great times and the difficult times. He's promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He's promised us that He has a plan - a plan to give us hope and a future. I'm thankful for a Heavenly Father who is always present. I'm thankful that in small beginnings, in difficult times and in celebratory moments God is here -working, loving, moving.

Here is a story of God's working in recent months - You will be touched.

 

 

 

saying sorry

Post #2 of the newlywed series.
I love something I read in Love and Respect yesterday (if you have not read this book yet, you should). I discovered me and TC aren’t the only ones who get on the “Crazy Cycle” for the SILLIEST things.

We believe in saying sorry. Not the “sorry-to-end-this-silly-argument” kind of sorry (though we have definitely been guilty of such), but the genuine, “Please forgive me for hurting your feelings” kind of sorry. It’s really liberating and can draw you closer to your spouse if you let it. Going back to toilet paper, I quickly made something about being in the right. There is a lot of harm that can be created in trying to be right about everything. Whenever couple friends get married, we usually tell them, “It’s okay to apologize first – it isn’t about being right.” We say it because we are still learning that. Its humbling to apologize to someone (especially if you feel you were right), but it relays love and value to your spouse. And you feel loved and respected when someone is kind enough to ask for true forgiveness.

So bite the bullet. When you think your spouse said something, though not meant the way you interpreted, it is really easy for things to escalate quickly. For example, early on if TC said something to me and I interpreted the statement as a negative comment towards me, I usually responded in less than half a second with a defensive and equally negative comment. Thankfully, we both have learned to say, “Okay, wait a minute. I don’t think you understood what I meant.” Usually, I have to argue my point a few more times (because I am STUBBORN)…and then Aha! I actually HEAR what he meant and at that point to spare myself from further humility I repeat what I think I now understand. Voila. Simple clarification and we avoid the further silliness of our argument by me saying “Oh….. Oops….I’m Sorry…I’m a jerk.” Insert true apology. (There was a time in the store when TC stayed eerily calm as I relentlessly expressed how upset and confused I was about a comment he made…then it became clear that was another obvious interpretation for his statement. I immediately went “Oh. You meant…. I’m sorry” and we both laughed. It was THAT ridiculous).

I've learned a lot from TC about this scenario. If he hears me say something he thinks is rude, unnecessary or defensive, he usually says..”Whoa…wait. What do you mean?” Or if it’s the other way around and he spoke first and I react, he usually says “Whoa..wait.. what did you think I said?”

I call this the “Whoa…Wait”. It’s brilliant really. Another way we’ve heard this expounded upon is in “Every Mother’s Wise Statement Handbook.” It’s called the, “Think before you speak (or re-speak)” rule.

Neither one of us have perfected this, but it has often kept us from hashing out something silly for TOO long (but we definitely hash out the silly things. Isn’t it bizarre how things like toilet paper, poor use of intonations, asking what time church start for the 104^th week in a row, Redbox 1$ movie rentals, ESPN phone apps, and jumping out from behind the door and squealing loudly in the bathroom while someone is taking a shower and thought they were alone can cause such a stir? But it does.) Many well-meaning and good-hearted people end up getting upset and/or hurt from simple things. So it’s okay to take your efforts in minimizing disaster from "silly" things seriously.

So, a few hints about what we’ve learned and are still working on:          

1. Think before you speak

2. Ask for clarification. Listen, repeat what you understood and clarify both ways.

3. Apologize (Forgiveness is proven to have powerful effects)

4. Come back together and maybe laugh later about your efforts in learning to “crack” the other’s code (if you are the laughing kind –we are). Silence and a defeated retreat don’t mend the situation, it only makes matters worse.

TC is really nice. And good looking. This is from our weekend in ATL a few weeks ago to celebrate my college roommate's wedding. There is another picture from this event that is priceless. Maybe I will post it soon.

PS. TC approved this post.
P.S.S in other news, we are getting pretty excited about our cruise in a few weeks.
We had a great weekend with my sis, brother-in-law, parents and grandparents at the Gulf. Ready for the next fun outing.

toilet paper

Post #1 of the newlywed series.

It’s ridiculous really, that one of our first “discussions” (we prefer this terminology to “argument”) was about toilet paper. On our honeymoon.  And while it wasn’t really a “discussion”, I think my tone said otherwise.

“Do you have a preference on toilet paper – over or under?” My sweet husband of 3 days inquired.

“Of course not. That would be silly.” (I really don’t remember my exact response because at this moment, I immediately felt new-wife insecurity creep up – I immediately thought to myself “YOU put the toilet paper on wrong and your husband is now taking issue with it. Way to go.”). Notice the second part of my sentence. In half a second, my defense mechanism was flying. I guarded myself to protect myself and ultimately took a jab at him to make myself feel better. (I feel the judgment, but believe me I realized it – an embarrassing revelation).

Insert his logical thought. “Well, since you don’t, and I do, could we roll the toilet paper over the top?”

Let me break this moment down for you. TC, who now tells you he regrets bringing it up on our honeymoon, was simply recognizing something we had never had to deal with before. He seized the opportunity. I, who constantly reassures my husband when we laugh about this story that he absolutely should not feel bad about having brought up toilet paper on day 3 of our honeymoon, came face to face with the recognition that I was now sharing my life and the learning was just beginning.  

As a master’s level marriage and family therapist, this is not exactly how I imagined my first “discussion” as a married woman would go. I thought it would be a far more in-depth, theory crushing, practical application of communication skill-building “discussion.”  I was having to adjust - a revelation that never should have taken me off guard because I’d studied relationships for years (I know…). However, “knowing” did not make me immune to the challenges of two unique people coming together. I was going to adjust a lot. As Dr. Emerson Eggerich says “Life is in the daily” (Love and Respect).

We laugh about it now and have dissected that moment multiple times. What TC says he realized is timing is important. I realized that things had been my way for a long time. I didn’t care what way the toilet paper came off the roll. But I was married now. To my best friend. And that meant we would be sharing life together, including toilet paper rolls. And if my husband had a preference I could show a simple way I care about the seemingly “little” things by meeting this request.

Before I make my husband sound like a crazy request maker (except all of you other die hard “over-or-under toilet paper-ers" who are undoubtedly taking his side on this one), I want to highlight my mentality. Unfortunately in that moment it was about being right for me, and about attempting to be a “perfect” wife in 3 days of marriage – no flaws, everything like a well-oiled machined. The toilet paper discussion taught me early on:  Sometimes I’d be wrong. Sometimes I’d be right. Sometimes we’d agree. Sometimes we wouldn’t. Sometimes I’d have a preference. Sometimes I would have no preference, and so could always find a simple way to remind my husband his preferences and his thoughts matter to me, because he matters to me. There were a lot of other things I learned from this really small conversation, but we can save it for later.

Two years later, the toilet paper always goes over the top.

P.S. TC approved this post J

the newlywed series

I’ve had a lot of friends get married in the past two years since Trent and I got married June 5^th, 2010. I always try to think of what special moment, memory or lesson I can pass along to encourage my newly married or soon-to-be-married friends. Marriage is good. I’ve always believed that. It’s why I pursued a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy. I believe in marriage between a man and a woman and the life of love it can bring.

I am definitely not making the assumption we all will go through the same things. We’re all in different stages and places in life. We all have our own trials and struggles to go through. But I hope to share some funny and encouraging insight into our lives as newlyweds. It’s not been perfect, but I am absolutely convinced every bump in the road, every good and bad date and every crazy fun adventure has increased our strength, happiness and faith.

I’ve listened to others, read their stories and been encouraged by them. I want to do the same.  I want to share our experience and hopefully grow from it along the way too. And please – if you’ve been there share your stories in the comments!  Enjoy the next few posts!      

PS. My computer was recently stepped on and my camera still rests unfixed. Thus my visual additions will be limited. 

Monday Mornings

I read a note posted by Jon Acuff via a picture on Twitter a few weeks ago that has been pretty encouraging to me on Monday mornings since. I wanted to share it with you today in case you faced the same kind of Monday I know many of us did. The note said, "Fear only bothers you if you're doing things that matter. So if you find fear waiting for you at the front door of this week, congratulations. You're doing things that matter."
It's a challenge, an encouragement, and a reminder. A powerful statement declaring you as a difference maker - even when it doesn't feel that way.

And for those who are feeling extra zealous and would like to "go the extra mile", try playing an intramural soccer game to help relieve the worries of the day... The left over ache is pretty distracting. (Yes, I played soccer this afternoon. And now my legs feel like jello).

Philippians 1:4-6 "In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

College Days

I've forgotten what it feels like for 9:00 PM to actually be more like 5:00 PM. The time in college when 5:00 PM was seen as the "start" of the day. At 5:00 PM, the afternoon nap had taken place and you were once again ready to go - refreshed and recharged. Meetings were scheduled for 11...11 PM, which was no problem because you could drink caffeine past 7 PM. Intramurals went from 5 until midnight... Group devotionals or events started around 8 and went until.... And of course there was the ever reliable IHOP and Waffle House who consistently ensured you still had somewhere to go after the 11 pm meeting. But remember, IHOP was for "studying."

Tuesday was a nice reminder of that time. The college we work at invited Jon Acuff to come and speak during our regular, weekly worship gathering. Typically, I do not make events occurring this late, but I had heard many good (and funny) things about him so made it a point to attend. I am really glad I did. For those of you who are less familiar with Jon Acuff, he's written a few books - Quitter, Stuff Christians Like, and Gazelles, Baby Steps And 37 Other Things Dave Ramsey Taught Me About Debt. His blog, Stuff Christians Like, is followed by thousands of people. And he's a fantastic speaker - enlightening, humorous and convicting - as I learned Tuesday.

He made several great points and I really want to share them with others. I feel this would have been a really encouraging message to me back in my college days. A lot of these points are in his book, Quitter, but still worth summarizing.

He emphasizes the passion that's inside of us and what we do with it. It's where our influence comes from - in living the life God has called you too.
1. Figure out your dream (passion). If you know what your dream is but don't know where to
    start, don't put it on the shelf. It only takes a small moment to change/make a big
    person. God loves the mustard seed concept.
2. Give God your whole life. Why do we try and imagine the worst thing is going to happen
     when we give God all? It's a trick our culture has played on us. (Consider Luke 11). You
     want fame? The Alpha and Omega knows your name. We are already famous.
3. Stop trying to fix yourself. Christ came for the "broken bowls".

A few subpoints:

• Don't look for the perfect passion, make a list of what you love, work on each one - one at a time (and when you get to the #3 thing you love on your list you may discover its your passion, but are better at #3 because you worked on #1 and #2);
• Figure out what's in your core, not the execution of your dream (God will surprise you with a crazy execution!);
• Don't quit your day job. Christ prepped 30 years for His ministry. Start somewhere.
• "Someday" is not on your calendar

The evening did not end there. A small group was able to "meet and greet" with him afterwards at a local coffee shop. Another reason for highlighting how much this evening reminded me of old times...I was out until midnight. Midnight. However, it was really fun to talk with him, though brief. I'm still glad I went. He gave a shout-out for the counseling profession and our last name and signed a copy of Quitter. Jon Acuff sent a lot of great reminders my way. I feel he confirmed small beginnings in life and encouraged doing something in the now no matter how seemingly insignificant. If you want to write, start writing.

Small Beginnings

      Kicking off my "love month" blogging with a post close to my heart. I've been pondering these thoughts for a while now and hope in sharing it will encourage others. I feel my age group started college at a time when job salaries were high, opportunities were wide open, and "dreams" came true quickly. Enter the struggling economy. Remain the same mindset. The combination equals an incredibly humbling and often (well mostly) frustrating experience. Yet in the midst of it all a really simple, but hopeful and encouraging lesson ensues. Faithfulness in the small things takes on a whole new meaning. Having to learn to value a seemingly small beginning... Asking, truely, what wishes and desires were (and are) mine...which ones are the Lord's? Challenging myself on doubting the plans and hand of God. Because I know "better. I know "that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)." If I trust, an enlightening journey emanates.... 

      On a small seemingly small beginning - I cannot begin to express the excitement I felt and still feel over the direction God can take you and use you on the roads least expected. God showed me and TC a LOT in our first year of marriage. My own picture perfect was challenged - our own picture perfect was challenged. Our aspirations were checked. Our habits were evaluated. What if that very reaction was the reason for the small beginning? What if the "reason" is even greater than that? "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin... (Zechariah 4:10a)." How unbelievably refreshing - to know you can trust He is at work, and that He rejoices in the small steps...in the small beginnings. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)." How unbelievably refreshing to know He knows the ending - He holds the future. Why would I put down a small beginning? Even the Kingdom of God in Mark 4 is compared to a mustard seed, the smallest on the earth, "yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds can perch in its shade." A small beginning. A big ending. Why would I doubt my loving Heavenly Father?

      My challenge to any single adult, to any newly married couple or soon to be married couple is trust in the Lord, delight yourself in Him, trust He is working on your behalf as you follow after Him, be faithful in the small steps, be faithful in the not-so-ideal-job, be faithful in stewardship, be faithful in your efforts, be faithful to the Lord who has you safely in the palms of His hands. I encourage you to lay aside suspected judgments from others, lay aside the "wants" and "stuffitis" (as Dave Ramsey calls it), be content in "whatsoever state you find yourself in" - continuing to trust the Lord for His provision, and lay aside the need for immediate satisfaction in worldly measures. My little ideal scenario was shaken....for the better. I stand back in amazement at the work of God evident in my and TC's life. It's exciting.

      In this season, is it possible God is preparing you for a greater purpose? Is he working on your heart to bring you to a place He can move in and through you in a mighty way? Is he leading you through a valley so you glory in Him when you reach the mountaintop? Is he opening doors and setting the stage behind the scenes?

      In a short year and a half...well goodness...even the past 8 years... the connecting of the dots and the pieces of the puzzle latching tightly together inevitably show-off the beautiful handiwork of God. And yet this is such a small view. I cannot fathom the magnificent massivity of the full picture. I'm thankful for a spouse who turns to God first, who understands the bigger picture and who enjoys this crazy journey of life. We've come to love this adventure...the unfolding of a plan....the unveiling of our true dreams...the development of our life passions... and the fulfillment of diligent efforts.

A loving Father. Love. Such love. Love in the small beginnings and love in the big endings.



Psalms 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."



Why Blog?

Blogging? Before I fully committed to the art of blogging, I wanted to make sure I had good reason. Perhaps the "rationalizer" in me needed a reason, or the realization it could become a quickly forgotten "chore" if not truly a wanted embarkation. However, I found the reasons to be inspiring. Reasons I've always preached and believed. Reasons I needed to start living out. So I started writing, and once I started sharing with people the "why" of my blogging, I found the reasons to be affirmed. Life is too short not to be enjoyed fully; and as my dear friend kindly reminded me, life is often experienced  in the mundane, seemingly "un-reportable" moments. And so I'll write on.

I sometimes feel my generation can be guilty of striving to get to the "next level", the next major life stage, the next major accomplishment and we tend to forget, devalue, or ignore the process of getting there. We don't care how we get to the next pivotal life point, just that we do - and once we get there, we can start....living....loving life...appreciating things around us. Such a sad thought. Think about how much gets missed? Maybe you haven't felt this way, but it was (and still can be) a struggle I found myself in. I came to a point that I did not want any more time to pass by un-grateful, un-energetic, or un-lived to the absolute fullest potential. Time is my witness to how fast life can pass by. My first year of marriage already seems so far away, recollected in just a moment. But I don't want to remember it for only a few seconds. I want to remember for hours... the details- because I've found the little details are so often where God is working the most in my life. I want to remember the answered prayers, the perfect connections, the lighted path, the crazy adventures, the silly moments, and the heart-tugging experiences. I want to be intentional about reflection, intentional about purpose and direction, and intentional about my future, our future. I want to be intentional about living and loving.

So why did I start to blog?

First, I enjoy writing; however, I'm terrible about committing to penning anything. In school it seemed easier, but now that I have graduated, I find it far more difficult. I did not want to go for years without the first journaling or expressing of thoughts. Blogging is a way I can commit to a hobby I really do enjoy.

Secondly, for over a year now, I have been delighted and encouraged through the reading of a college friend's blog. We rarely talk, but I feel joyful about her life. I love witnessing her experiences. And through reading her frequent blogs, I felt convicted by not embracing the place of life I found myself in - there's so much to be experienced, so many people to love, so much to be appreciated. The hope: maybe I could inspire someone, as I was inspired by my friend, to embrace life more abundantly.

Lastly, blogging? How would it help? What would I have to share? So much. So much seemingly insignificant, but beautiful, adventurous details. About daily blessings. Daily reminders. Daily lessons. Daily life. "Stuff" important to me and "stuff" I wanted to (hopefully and eventually) use to encourage others. I just simply wanted to be intentional about embracing and encouraging. I have now found that even if I did not "blog it", I'm far more aware of the little moments in life. A lesson I'm thankful for even if blogging ceases to be a part of my life.

I like the Max Lucado quote on a birthday card recently given to me:

There is more to your life than you ever thought.

There is more to your story than what you have read.

- Max Lucado



We all have a story. I know God is in my story, writing, marking, editing, working on the characters, illustrating, plotting, designing, and creating. I truly want Him to be the author, and I, a captivated reader in every chapter. I want to read every word, not merely the last paragraph. I want to share in and share with others the goodness of His mercy every single day.

God is so good. All the time.

P.S. Check out Times Gone By for newly added pictures...finally!